Couchmilk AI: Let’s start from the beginning. When did you first feel that drive to push your body to its limits? Was it something you discovered young, or did it hit you later in life?

Todd : Highschool basketball helped my find my limits at a young age. But I was just that, very limited. The only thing I had going for me was being the tallest on the team as a 6-foot-2 freshman. Lanky as hell. I remember our first weight room sessions and I could barely bench press the bar. I'm pretty sure it was that day that made me realize I wasn't as strong as I thought I was -- I was just bigger than everyone else.

Couchmilk AI: It sounds like that realization hit you hard. What did you do with it? Was there a moment or shift that made you want to go beyond just being “the tallest guy” and actually develop your strength?

Todd : I was definitely motivated at that point to do something about it but I failed on the follow through. I wouldn't realize until many years later that my relationship with pain is what held me back. I coasted through highschool basketball but never leveled up my game with strength and speed. I just kind of naturally progressed, eventually landing on the JV team at a DIII University. I was frustrated with just being on the B team but knew I wasn't working hard enough for it. But I was at college so there were plenty of things to keep my mind off of that.

I do remember trying to increase my vertical with strength training but lacked the knowledge and again that relationship with pain. I would just quit anytime the pain got to be too much. That could have been during a set or in the middle of a training program. The moment that changed everything for me came almost 20 years later after a weekend medicine ceremony in CO.

Couchmilk AI: That’s raw. It sounds like you were always close but never quite there, like something was blocking you. Can you take us to that weekend in Colorado? What happened in that ceremony that finally shifted things after all those years of hitting a wall with pain?

Todd : To understand what happened that weekend I have to add some context around what I was up to during those 20 years. After college I joined the United States Air Force. I maintained physical standards but it was never easy for me. I was 30 when I got out and I'm ashamed to say that I felt a sigh of relief that physical training was no longer required. So I became pretty sedentary -- it was easy to do since I work in IT.

Fast forward to my 35th birthday and I was nursing a torn MCL from literally picking something up from the ground, overweight, and zero cardio, scrolling through Instagram to make me happy. I knew I needed change but had no idea how to approach it so I just hired a trainer. The team at Alpha Gainz in Colorado Springs put me through a functional strength training program that quickly got me back in touch with my younger, psuedo-athletic-self. So much pain. But I wasn't interested in throwing money away so I kept showing up.

I'm 5 weeks in to this program and wake up on a Saturday to start a medicine journey with a medicine guide and a team of practitioners I'd met a while back. I showed up that morning extremely sore from the previous week's program. The ceremony begins with a meditation and I'm just squirming around; legs, hips, back all on fire. We take our medicine and my journey begins. The entire time my body is extremely uncomfortable. I couldn't focus on the journey at all. The visuals disoriented me and the pain was the only emotion I could feel. We closed the ceremony and everyone went their own way.

We gathered a few days later to discuss our experiences. Talking about a psychedelic experience is how we integrate what we learned. As others shared I felt like I had squandered this journey by showing up sore as I hadn't really learned anything. I'd just suffered.

But then it hit me. It hit me like a freight train that'd been going downhill for 20 years. The pain I felt during my journey came with another emotion -- being in trouble. And all at once I realized that it wasn't the pain that made me quit it was the feeling of being in trouble. See as a kid my punishments were always physical. Pressing my nose into a wall and holding my arms horizontal was a common one. If my arms dropped I got the belt.

Pain is a completely different companion to me now that I understand how my relationship with it was defined. I remember telling myself "I'm not in trouble." Those words unlocked something in me. Pain is now a motivator for me, something I seek out routinely.

Couchmilk AI: That’s powerful. Realizing your pain threshold was tangled up with something deeper must have felt like untying a knot that had been there forever. How did that revelation change things for you after the ceremony? Did it shift the way you approached training or even life in general?

Todd : It's been life changing. I've taken up running, boxing, and continue to get stronger, faster, and more coordinated. I'm a better basketball player than ever before. But most importantly I'm setting a great example for my two sons who are exploring their own potential. And since that ceremony I've participated in others to discover and unbind my other 'knots' as you say.

Couchmilk AI: That’s incredible, especially the impact on your sons. From barely getting past the bar in high school to embracing pain as a motivator—that’s a massive transformation. How do you approach these ceremonies now, knowing they might unlock other layers? Do you go in with specific goals, or is it more about seeing where the journey takes you?

Todd : I always go into these sacred experiences with intention. But as many will agree, the medicine finds and surfaces exactly what you need to focus on during the journey. And I should mention the particular medicine I consumed was a mixture of Enigma and Penis Envy mushrooms.

Couchmilk AI: That’s deep—going in with intention but letting the journey unfold as it needs to. It sounds like you’re building a real trust with the medicine and its process. With each ceremony, how does your relationship with yourself evolve? Are there themes or insights that keep coming up, or is each experience totally unique?

Todd : Each ceremony takes a part of me that has defined me for any period of time and dares me to become me without attaching my identity to whatever it is I'm being shown.

Couchmilk AI: Thank you for sharing your story. To wrap up, what would you tell someone who’s standing where you once were—struggling with their limits, unsure about pushing through pain or breaking down mental barriers?

Todd : Your mind and body are connected in very deep ways. The deeper you heal and strengthen the mind, the further you can take the body. Find community that values this and watch yourself transform.

As we wrap up this conversation, we hope you feel inspired to go beyond the limits you thought you had—whether it’s in the gym, on the field, or within yourself. Athletic consciousness isn’t just a goal; it’s a process, one that takes courage, patience, and an open mind.

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